small girl, big plans
Oh my golliest gosh I repeat.
Important News: Last night,
when I was getting the washing
up liquid out from under the sink,
I spotted, out of the corner of
my little eye, the teeniest red
purple wriggling thing on the floor.
I zoomed in to examine the wild
animal closer, only to be filled
with untold amounts of joy.
It was a baby worm. Bob, Job
and Dogs’ child.
There is life after death.
LM x
ps. Don’t worry BeJuG is back
in his/her milk container with
a fresh piece of lettuce and a
drink of water.
My mum is a good mum
but not a good worm mum.
She forgot to feed and wet
the worms for 2 weeks. All
that time they were starving
under the sink. All alone with
themselves. That’s so sad. Bob,
Job and Dog are the second, third
and fourth members of my family
to perish. The first was Mrs
Bobdobolina our cat (mother of
current cat-pet Barbie). Mrs Bob
used to look at you like she knew
exactly what you were thinking.
Mum says, she used to sit under my
bassinet when I was the tiniest six
pound baby screaming my head off.
Sort of protecting me. There was a
smell of fart when we buried dead Mrs Bob under the apricot tree. There was only a smell of mud inside Bob, Job and Dogs’ milk container home.
Farewell worm friends LM xxx
Well it wasn't that bad...
One april fools I made
Angelica a mustard and
white bread sandwich.
She thought it was going
to be honey. So she bit
into it excpecting a lovely
sweet yummy taste and
instead she got a hot
stingy taste. Oops.
I wouldn't do that again,
because I felt quite bad
when she had to puke some
up.
How are the school holidays
going? I have snow around
my house. How about you?
LM xx
Mum was very polite when Angelica
gave her the worm present.
Thank you sweetie. "Worms –
my favourite," she said. (NOT).
Mum hates worms because;
a long time ago her brother put a
worm in her ham and lettuce
sandwich as a joke (bad joke).
Then her brother said
“Mary Jane something wiggly
is coming out of your mouth.”
When my Mum looked down her nose,
she went cross-eyed and saw not one,
but two mini pink snakes looking up
at her. She spat out her mouthful
toute-de-suite and screamed,
"Johnathon I hate you."
Apparently the worms just tasted
of dirt. LM
ps has anyone ever played a mean
trick on you??
Angelica brought home a
surprise for Mum. It
turned out to be a worm farm
consisting: of wet brown
leaves, mud, potatoe peelings,
carrot peelings, some parsley
and three worms named -
Bob, Job and Dog mixed
together in an old milk container.
Apparently Bob, Job and Dog
will soon multiply.
We will know when this has
happened because there will be
small bits of worm in the container
under the sink.
Worms don't need mums and Dads.
They don’t eat much either. LM
ps. anyone know a worm joke??
Pinch & a punch & hairy-rabbits
for the 1st of May. I know
I know that was five days ago.
What have I been up to?? I've
been busy busy knitting a woolly
scarf, because it’s winter in my part
of the world.
This morning Angelica pulled
back the curtains to give the morning
weather report and said: frosty grass,
sunny sky, and not at all breezy.
Then she turned on Kidz Club
Radio. It was Ring-in with your
best joke day. ‘How did the doofus
break his arm when he was raking leaves?’
I don’t know how did the doofus
break his arm when he was raking leaves.
‘He fell out of the tree. Get it?’
Except the radio guy didn’t get it.
Even I’d worked out that the doofus
(ie. really stupid person) must
have been sitting IN the tree raking leaves in order to fall down and
break his arm. Maybe not the
funniest joke of all time. But Angel
had chosen it out of a book of 1002
best ever jokes for children,
so it must have tickled her
funny bone.
Has anyone out there got a
totally hilarious joke they
want to share in the comment
section? (just write the maths anwer
in words eg. four plus four equals
eight) pimps
Soonest cupcakes LMxx
My note had nothing to do with
sequins or sewing. It said,
who wants to put-in to get
Mr Dot.com an easter egg??
He can have some of my
Easter chocolate. I always
get way too much, said
Johnathon Murphy.
Too much chocolate. If only.
I’ll probably have to buy my
own, I lamented.
Write to the Easter Bunny
and ask for some, said Angelica.
Tell him how creative and
helpful you’ve been.
Yeah like your April fools joke
in the girls toilets, says Hortense Murgatroyd (the school bully).
We all know that was your
glad wrap Hortense.
Dear Easter Bun Bun, I love
chocolate and I have been
good all year. Love you Lily Max.
As Dad says, I'm forever the
optimist
ie. the kid always expecting
good things to happen to them.
You bet! LM
I didn’t prick myself and die
in the night. But I did dream
about sewing sparkly rainbow
sequins onto our school banner
for the interschools sports.
So when I got to class I asked
Mr Dot.com (our teacher) if we
could sew sequins during first
period. He said, no sorry Lily
Max, I love your ideas but today
we have to test spelling, maths
and reading.
Oh, moaned the class.
Can’t we stitch sequins instead -
it would be very good for our
fine motor skills, said Johnathon
Murphy. FMS are slower to
develop in boys than in girls.
Thank you for the useful tip
Johnathon.
Please can we Sir, I begged.
Shake of head and you've-got-
to-be-kidding stare from Mr
Dot.com. So I passed round a
note.... LM
Well I might be ex-ager-aa-ting.
But there I was sitting up in
bed, sewing a patch over a
hole in my gym tights, when
I had a vision... the rainbow
coloured sequins I was stitching
on top of the patch, suddenly
became all blurry and turned
into a rainbow coloured fish,
darting about in an aqua blue
ocean. Next thing my needle
and thread were sewing sequins,
in a hap-hazardly fashion all
over the ocean of
my duvet cover.
As I became more and more
mesmerized by the cacophony
of colour my sequins were
creating, Mum popped her head
into our bedroom and said, lights
out girls it’s very late. And don't
prick yourself with that needle
Lily Max, you might not wake
up.... True that's exactly what
she said. Like I was Snow White
and she was the wicked
stepmother. A1 on the scale of
weird or what? LM
One thing I find weird about
reading blogs, is that if you
want to start at the beginning,
you have to go to the end.
It's the only way you will
understand why we were
talking about Patagonia
and pinky bars a couple
of days back.
And why it was my turn to
do something
crazy.....LM