small girl, big plans
Pinch & a punch & hairy-rabbits
for the 1st of May. I know
I know that was five days ago.
What have I been up to?? I've
been busy busy knitting a woolly
scarf, because it’s winter in my part
of the world.
This morning Angelica pulled
back the curtains to give the morning
weather report and said: frosty grass,
sunny sky, and not at all breezy.
Then she turned on Kidz Club
Radio. It was Ring-in with your
best joke day. ‘How did the doofus
break his arm when he was raking leaves?’
I don’t know how did the doofus
break his arm when he was raking leaves.
‘He fell out of the tree. Get it?’
Except the radio guy didn’t get it.
Even I’d worked out that the doofus
(ie. really stupid person) must
have been sitting IN the tree raking leaves in order to fall down and
break his arm. Maybe not the
funniest joke of all time. But Angel
had chosen it out of a book of 1002
best ever jokes for children,
so it must have tickled her
funny bone.
Has anyone out there got a
totally hilarious joke they
want to share in the comment
section? (just write the maths anwer
in words eg. four plus four equals
eight) pimps
Soonest cupcakes LMxx
My note had nothing to do with
sequins or sewing. It said,
who wants to put-in to get
Mr Dot.com an easter egg??
He can have some of my
Easter chocolate. I always
get way too much, said
Johnathon Murphy.
Too much chocolate. If only.
I’ll probably have to buy my
own, I lamented.
Write to the Easter Bunny
and ask for some, said Angelica.
Tell him how creative and
helpful you’ve been.
Yeah like your April fools joke
in the girls toilets, says Hortense Murgatroyd (the school bully).
We all know that was your
glad wrap Hortense.
Dear Easter Bun Bun, I love
chocolate and I have been
good all year. Love you Lily Max.
As Dad says, I'm forever the
optimist
ie. the kid always expecting
good things to happen to them.
You bet! LM
I didn’t prick myself and die
in the night. But I did dream
about sewing sparkly rainbow
sequins onto our school banner
for the interschools sports.
So when I got to class I asked
Mr Dot.com (our teacher) if we
could sew sequins during first
period. He said, no sorry Lily
Max, I love your ideas but today
we have to test spelling, maths
and reading.
Oh, moaned the class.
Can’t we stitch sequins instead -
it would be very good for our
fine motor skills, said Johnathon
Murphy. FMS are slower to
develop in boys than in girls.
Thank you for the useful tip
Johnathon.
Please can we Sir, I begged.
Shake of head and you've-got-
to-be-kidding stare from Mr
Dot.com. So I passed round a
note.... LM
Well I might be ex-ager-aa-ting.
But there I was sitting up in
bed, sewing a patch over a
hole in my gym tights, when
I had a vision... the rainbow
coloured sequins I was stitching
on top of the patch, suddenly
became all blurry and turned
into a rainbow coloured fish,
darting about in an aqua blue
ocean. Next thing my needle
and thread were sewing sequins,
in a hap-hazardly fashion all
over the ocean of
my duvet cover.
As I became more and more
mesmerized by the cacophony
of colour my sequins were
creating, Mum popped her head
into our bedroom and said, lights
out girls it’s very late. And don't
prick yourself with that needle
Lily Max, you might not wake
up.... True that's exactly what
she said. Like I was Snow White
and she was the wicked
stepmother. A1 on the scale of
weird or what? LM
One thing I find weird about
reading blogs, is that if you
want to start at the beginning,
you have to go to the end.
It's the only way you will
understand why we were
talking about Patagonia
and pinky bars a couple
of days back.
And why it was my turn to
do something
crazy.....LM
Angelica was more serious about
running away than me and Dad
realized. She managed to walk
a long way for someone wearing
toerags.
As night fell in the valley
we found her, down the road,
huddled under a tree.
Did you find the land of chocolate,
Dad yelled out (with major relief
sounding in his voice)??
Nope, replied Angelica.
Best come home for a hot choccy
then, he said.
And a pinky, said Angelica.
OK, said Dad.
Shouldn't you be telling her off
for running away, I said.
We'll cross that bridge when
we come to it, said Dad. Jump
in my little tramper.
...This pinky-incident made me think,
disobedience does have its rewards.
No one offered me a pinky bar
(pink marshmallow covered in
chocolate) for being the oldest and
most sensible-est kid that day. LM
Do you know why Angelica wants to
go to Patagonia Dad?
No. Enlighten me.
She thinks everything in the land of Patagonia is made out of chocolate.
That would make sense.
No it wouldn’t.
Yes it would. Wouldn’t you tramp for
days, in linen toe-rags if you could
bathe in a big tub of hot chocolate at
the other end?
I suppose so.
Touche
Angelica sometimes finds it hard to cool
down if she hasn't got her own way.
Not going to India's sleepover is an
excellent example.
So while she is popping her top she
stuffs her pj's into her duffle bag,
storms down to the kitchen and
asks Dad if she could have some
toe-rags because she's tramping
to Patagonia. NOW.
Dad calmly says, wait a mo let me
see if I can find some your size.
Then he wraps her toes in two white
linen napkins that Granny Moss
embroidered for Mum. And says,
would you like to take a water
bottle and a bunch of grapes - it might
get hot.
Angelica says yes, without the please.
Grabs them and marches into the
garden.
You shouldn't encourage her I say to
Dad.
Well you can lead a horse to water
but you can't make them drink, he says.
What's that got to do with tramping
to Patagonia, I say.
Dad just smiles and yells out to Angelica - Careful out there pet.
Strange LM X
Angelica hears Dad say on the phone, to India's Mum that she can’t come for a sleepover, because she’s being a little toe-bag.
Next thing Angelica yells, Dad I don’t even own a toe-bag. So how can I BE one. And what would I put in my toe-bag if I did own one? Toe socks? Toe rings?
Dad sighs, and says you’ve been a toe-RAG and you’re still being one.
What’s a toe-RAAAG then? When it’s at home, says Angelica, not very angelically.
A toe-rag is a rag that beggars wrap around their toes to help with blisters when they’re tramping about. Would you like to borrow some to get down to your room for a rest?
No...slam of door.
And Angelica was sent to bed with no supper. Nah kidding that only happens
in fairytales. Isn't it good when it's not YOU being in trouble at your house. LMx
I know I know. Where on
earth have I been??? Well
I haven't been to London
to visit the Queen. No, I've
been at the beach, up to my
neck in sand. Sounds yukky.
But it's extremely quite
pleasant to be buried in
damp sand, like an
E G Y P T I A N, on a hot day
at the beach.
Now I'm back home and
rushing off to school -
that is yukky.
LM xx